i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
