Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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