If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
