apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
