Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
