Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
