i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
