OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
