I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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