she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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