remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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