Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
