omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
