I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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