You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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