Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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