When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
