I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
