I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.