you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
