you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt