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• (313): View more from Michigan

  4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

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• (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex

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• (707): View more from California

  he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  You're breaking my sexual little heart

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.

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