I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head