Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're too hungover to prance.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos