Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.

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  (407): He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven. http://tfl.nu/duyw
  Replies (10) Good night (801) Bad night (4054)
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  (707): View more from California

  Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.

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  (707): Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo. http://tfl.nu/dtd1
  Replies (22) Good night (1237) Bad night (5349)
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  (858): View more from California

  I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.

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  (858): I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win. http://tfl.nu/f8rt
  Replies (40) Good night (5897) Bad night (1079)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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  (856): Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend. http://tfl.nu/zfxw
  Replies (10) Good night (3476) Bad night (625)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.

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  (402): next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first. http://tfl.nu/nkj3
  Replies (6) Good night (4681) Bad night (890)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

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  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6703) Bad night (939)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor

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  (765): The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor http://tfl.nu/xtoh
  Replies (7) Good night (2550) Bad night (785)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face

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  (814): I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame. (724): When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face http://tfl.nu/6r6m
  Replies (8) Good night (2643) Bad night (917)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?

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  (512): Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning? http://tfl.nu/pcyg
  Replies (4) Good night (1315) Bad night (506)
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  (707): View more from California

  Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.

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  (707): Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb. http://tfl.nu/i5x2
  Replies (8) Good night (1778) Bad night (782)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up

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  (214): Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up http://tfl.nu/l4k9
  Replies (6) Good night (680) Bad night (1523)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.

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  (902): Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him. http://tfl.nu/rtyn
  Replies (12) Good night (666) Bad night (1867)
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  (+93): View more from

  5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...

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  (+93): 5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting... http://tfl.nu/dzib
  Replies (4) Good night (924) Bad night (521)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door

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  (775): He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door http://tfl.nu/vv4w
  Replies (13) Good night (523) Bad night (1795)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.

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  (727): We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity. http://tfl.nu/gy6t
  Replies (4) Good night (705) Bad night (156)

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