dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
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