Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.