Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.