So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
