I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
