You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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