it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
