come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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