hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
