My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
