Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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