He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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