super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
