Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
