dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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