Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
