I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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