You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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