i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
