I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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