They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
