He kissed a someone with a penis
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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