giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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