i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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