but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
As shirtless as possible
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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