If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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