He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
