i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
