I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
