yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
