I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
