We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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