you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
