just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
