Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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