dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Randomize
