she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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