Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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