That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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