No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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