I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
