are you still at the devil's house?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
