Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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