I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
