I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
