On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
