I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
