Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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