I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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