Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
