i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Send us your Text From Last Night!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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