i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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