Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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