you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
