I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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