Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
