too bad you live with your parents still
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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