Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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