Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
