You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
