his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
