wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
